Lonely

29Jun06

Do you ever feel like your the only single person on the planet?

 Lately all my friends seem to all be in long term relationships, pregnant or engaged. Then there’s little old single Jarra. People keep telling me that I’m only 23 and I should enjoy being single. I never really got what they mean by this. I dont understand why you cant be in a relationship and still have your own space and life. And it’s not like I am enjoying single life anyway. I think humans aren’t meant to me by themselves.

Sure I love going to the cinemas by myself, mostly because I can’t stand others making comments or asking me about the plot. I also hate having to explain the movie afterwards if some people didn’t get it. Why cant people actually watch and listen to the movie! Even though I love this alone movie watching at the same time I look around the theater and see couples holding hands and so on. It kind of makes you think about what you are missing in your life.

When I was growing up I didn’t want to be like those loser 30 year old single women I sore on the TV and movies, who complained about being single. Sure I’m not 30 yet but if that little Jarra was here today, I doubt that she would be happy about how her future has turned out. I’m terrified that I’ll end up like those single 30 year old rushing to beat the biological clock.

Being single at the moment is entirely my fault. I work for my family so I don’t really see anyone who isnt family. I don’t go out that much and I hate clubbing. All my friends, friends that I met are fugly bogans. Another reason is that I can be extremely shy sometimes, especially around men, even ones I don’t like. I should probably try to make an effort if I want things to change. I tried that internet dating thing but I mostly get contacted by grubby old men or people who aren’t really my cup of tea. Also the whole internet relationship thing doesnt work for me. It feels like Im dating a computer.

I thought of lowering my standards but far as Im concerned the reason we are attracted to certain people is survival of the fittest. We want to make sure that the next generation is genetically strong and healthy. Besides I’ve lowered my standards once before and it was the worse thing I ever done, it was basically like changing who I am. It’s not like my standards are that high anyway. The end of the day all I want is a nice guy with some brains, a sense of humor, a cute smile and who understands me.

I was thinking back to all the guys normal and famous, that I’ve ever had a major crush on. There was a lot. I noticed that my taste has defiantly evolved over the years. I went from (sadly. But just remember I was a 13) having a crushes on Taylor Hanson, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Jesse Spencer and Devon Sawa, to now days being attracted to Zach Braff, Jake Gyllenhaal and Mark Ruffalo just to name a few (Looks like I went from blonds to brunettes). But it’s not all about their looks, I think its more that my adult crushes are more intellectual then my teen crushes. Not saying my adult crushes arent bloody HOT! I could name all my crushes but I don’t want to embrace myself further but let’s just say I’ve been a neighbors fan for many years.

 There is no real point to this blog post, apart from feeling alone.

Love Jarra ~*~

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